Sunday, January 21, 2007

Sentimental Journey Bittersweet Memories and Today

I have been sick today, last night I went to the reception at the Vagabond Blues and it was nice with harp music and my friend Carmen taking care of everything. My art Sentimental Journey (see Jan. 15) is in the back, it looks quite alone and different. The other paintings are landscapes, flowers, and animals all with an Alaskan theme. Mine looks out of place. I blatantly asked people what they think of it and they answered “cool” and “I like it.” But I don’t know they could be just being nice. I felt a little out of place last night, I was sick, and I felt weird. I have a hard time in social situations anyway.

When I was an elementary school girl I suffered from severe shyness and was teased and ridiculed all the time because they thought I was weird. My family life was horrible, with my mom and dads rocky relationship and my dad’s alcoholism. I was not a very happy child. The other kids played a played a nasty games that if I touched them they would have to pretend to spray themselves (because I had fleas). One day I got angry enough and turned around and faced the boys and just folded my arms and stared at them until they backed down. After those things got better I was respected and feared. Later on in High School life was very complicated. I still felt different and out of place until one day I wore my tight blue sweater! After the boys got one look at my cute stacked body I got the attention I needed. My BIG breasts have always been either a gift or a curse. I started drinking in high school and did not quit until I hit bottom a few parties and husbands later.
Booze always made socializing a lot easier.

I think that is why I do not always do well in social situations. Sometimes I can transcend my nature and really feel self confident and normal and have a wonderful time in social situations.

That is what Sentimental Journey is about my childhood sadness and bittersweet memories of days long past. Perhaps that is not the part of me I should to show people that insecure, scared little girl looking for love and acceptance.

Rather the mature beautiful woman with a passion to communicate and bring joy to others.

I can also paint great mountains if I want to and I can turn into and eagle and fly.


1 comment:

Carol Holt aka Dabs said...

Your post tonight made me smail because on some levels I can relate...:)

I've been thinking about you... the hubby and I drove to Palmer this past weekend so I looked for the Cafe your art was at, but did not find it.

Let's chat.