Monday, April 23, 2012

When Things Go Wrong as they Sometimes Will

Up the Down Staircase

I want to tell my story but suffer from "the worry too much about what other people might think" syndrome. I’ll tell it anyway. Saturday the 14th of April my husband suffered a heart attack, he is 56.  I was able to get him to the emergency in the nick of time. He was in writhing in excruciating pain and said OH GOD! can you believe the nurse guy putting a needle in his arm said "please don't swear" he wasn't even saying FUUUUUCK can you believe that! Personally I think when somebody in pain or suffering cries OH GOD!!!  they are screaming a prayer! The EKG said he is having a heart attack. Well NO SHIT.  They packed him up in a body bag for the helicopter ride to Anchorages Providence Hospital where they operated and put two stints into his arterys which was closed 99% and the other a75%.

Peter is the worst patient in the world after the operation and still under the anesthesia he verbally abused the nurses and me. I was devastated not understanding why he would abuse the people who have his life in their hands, it is understandable in retrospect. He was scared. I said;

I personally believe that we are always accountable for our behavior. But since I have never had a heart attack I don't know how I would act (and don't want to find out). Certain health care people seemed more concerned with me than they were Peter. Me? I was in the place where I go when emergencies happen, I am calm clearheaded while shock is waiting nearby to take me over. It's not until later when the emergency has passed  I go into shock. It's not until later when the gravity of our predicament sets in.

I am not sure how a person who has just suffered a heart attack is supposed to look? Peter looks handsome as ever the stints and the blood thinner worked like Draino now the blood is oxygenated and flowing freely. There is a history of heart disease in his family both his parents died that way. He/We (are in this fast car together) driving down the road at 95 mph the brick wall looked miles away so tiny and then it's right there! No time to react then BAM!#  Being a type A personality with ADHD he eats stress for breakfast, lunch and ice-cream for dinner. Now we get to walk every day, eat a heart healthy diet and quit smoking, which is going very well. We are taking an inventory of things in our life both good and bad. We are given the opportunity to work on the habits that are not good, replace old habits with good habits like meditation, exercise and learning how to keep the stressors out of our lives. Unfortunately for some of us it takes something like almost being dead to do the things that will make the quality of life better and last longer.

Take it from me there is nothing worse than regrets when a person we love in our life suddenly dies and we did not let them know they are so loved.  So today show someone special they are loved!

I am hopeful and prayerful that things will change for the better and the rest of our days will be happy ones.

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Van Goughesque Sunflowers

Van Goughesque Sunflowers
Judy Vars

It's Spring!!! However here in Alaska it's called break-up, after record snowfalls the mountains of snow are melting. This creates quite a mess, our driveway slopes toward our house so we have put sandbags by the front door to keep the melting snow and ice away from my studio.
So instead of daffodils and crocuses pushing their way through the fresh soil we get mud and gravel.

Oh I am not complaining, not much anyway. It is just that when everyone else is enjoying the newness of spring - we are sandbagging, wearing rubber sloggers slipping around on the ice and driving around our filthy cars and waiting for things to dry up. The daylight has returned in fact we now have 13 hours of sun.

So instead of whining excessively… I went to the flower shop and asked for sunflowers, daffodils, and bleeding hearts and painted a Van Goughesque picture. I love the yellow flowers with the complementary vase color of purple and just a touch of red making a lively painting that literally sings.

Ah yellow psychologically the happiest color of the color spectrum…yet it is interesting that yellow can also signify jealousy, sadness and quarantine. Let’s not go there.

“Oh yes! He loved yellow, did good Vincent...When the two of us were together in Arles, both of us insane, and constantly at war over beautiful colors, I adored red; where could I find a perfect vermilion?” -- Paul Gauguin

"Don't Ya Eat the Yellow Snow" by Frank Zappa